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Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

American Government Special Collections Reference Desk

Stock Car Racing Topics:  Carl Edwards, Kyle Busch

Parental Advisory: Explicit Content

Jeremy T. Sellers

August 28, 2008

Had to get that out of the way for the left wing.

Anyway, true to it's modern fashion, NASCAR has been quick to quash any hopes of a rivalry between our boy Carl (aka Mr. Ed) and Kyle (the Angry Keebler Elf). Mainstream media even confessing this is exactly what the sport needs right now to stimulate ineterst, but NASCAR got out the weinie whacker and placed both drivers on probation for six races. What? No fines? Hmm, maybe they are letting up just a bit.

Now, what I'm about to say is going to get me a port-a-potty full of hate mail from all of you do-gooders that filled my in box the first time. (just remember, the ratio of positive to negative mail is 7:1) However, I'm going to say it anyway, and there's nothing you can do about it. Carl Edwards as earned my admiration and respect. He has become the first driver since Tony Stewart to say exactly what was on his mind and how it was going to be and reinforces the fact that he will NOT apologize for Bristol-gate. Pan over to the Elf: Whining in his usual fashion about, this time, Carl, and how he raced, FULL knowing that the little shit would have done the same thing if he had the chance. So, amongst all of my Dale Sr/Jr garb, there may be a stray Carl Edwards collectible in my bar somewhere. *sticks tongue out at the SS...psst! There are secret members of the NASCAR SS closer than you may believe)

Deny if you like, but even those fans outside of the Carl/Elf conflict have to admit this is some long-lost old school. I should some research, but I'm getting ready for my deployment, to see what penalties were levied in the classic Yarbrough/Allison war of yesteryear. This is just what we needed heading to one of the biggest laugh on the circuit: California. This track is about as useful as those white piles of dried up dog shit you find in your front yard on a hot summer day. Kick it and it turns to dust. Only if it was that easy...

However, does this mean that Carl and the Elf will play nice the rest of the season? Probably. NASCAR can't let us have any fun nowadays, and those guys, rightfully so, don't want to lose any points...I'm sure that is what would happen if something else went down, right? Points, money, blah blah blah..."now don't do that boys". So, back to sterility...pretty soon, we'll have robot cars on the track...okay, maybe remote control, but still...

What this has done is shocked the long stayed Carl Edwards fan. They don't know how to handle the fact that Carl has found a way to be a nice guy off the track and a businessman behind the wheel. Hmm, sound like any legends you might know of...say, Dale Earnhardt? Now that he's sharing his smile, muscles, and demeanor with a "take no shit" attitude on the track, it's got you, so called "true" fans, chasing your damn tails. If we had more testosterone behind the wheel and in front of the TV camera, it would make the new cars more bearable.

Well, I'm off to the Republican National Convention to play paramedic...may be going to the gulf coast after that...that's right folks, I'm out there taking care of your sick and injured!

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