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Pray the Potholes Away?

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Pray the Potholes Away?

Bill Crittenden
DriveWrite Automotive
September 2, 2015

Yesterday, DriveWrite’s American Friend, Bill Crittenden, gave us the lowdown on the Pothole Preacher, Tony Yarber. This got me wondering if it could possibly work here:

Mayor Tony Yarber, also the Pastor of the Relevant Empowerment Church, tweeted out his plan on August 21st: “Yes….I believe we can pray potholes away. Moses prayed and a sea opened up. #iseeya #itrustHim #prayerworks”

This became fodder for atheist humor, the first tweet response was “Moses also hit a rock and water sprang forth, so why are we paying for city water and sewage?” by @SnakeTaleJohnny, and Mayor/Pastor Yarber bantered back and forth with critics over the next day. Some of the funnier exchanges with responders posted below:

@glenntgarner: @TonyYarber Are you fucking kidding me?! I have a better idea… Pay to have them filled!

@TonyYarber: @glenntgarner We tried that

@Tweets_McGee_: @TonyYarber is this how things are taken care of in Jackson, Mississippi?

@TonyYarber: @Tweets_McGee_ By Faith…yes

@Addoxfordms: @tonyyarber When you were my assistant principal you taught me how to tie a tie. I still know how. You didn’t tell me to pray about it.

@TonyYarber: @Addoxfordms you should ALWAYS pray.

@Addoxfordms: @tonyyarber We are all ‘filling a hole’—some solutions are more concrete than others.

@crankyhumanist: @Addoxfordms I see what you did there

@dguilford: @TonyYarber Are you alright in the head?

@TonyYarber: @dguilford Solid! ?

@PAULtheHUMANIST: @TonyYarber why declare a state of emergency? How did the emergency come about in the first place?

@TonyYarber: @PAULtheHUMANIST Yearrrrsssss of do nothing. That’s how.

@JebBoone: Thanks @TonyYarber. Sounds good. But we’ve got a backup plan right? And is anyone taking bets on whether or not the prayer plan works?

@TonyYarber: @JebBoone LoL. Yep…we have analysts all over it. And yeah, the integrated plan is being deployed.

Bill continues: While I’d love to give road crews a few months off, point traffic cameras at prominent potholes and see if one of God’s “miracles” can be proved on camera, I’m betting that the “integrated plan” he mentioned includes paying actual human beings to fill the potholes with actual asphalt and just giving God the credit for the smoothed roads: “See all the filled potholes? This is proof that God is real! By the way, I’m taking donations for my church at…”

Oh, Mississippi, I hope you never change, because this is all a part of why the rest of us love your State:

The following is an exchange from the 2006 film Annapolis starring Tyrese Gibson (not in this scene), James Franco (Jake Huard), and Vicellus Reon Shannon (“Twins”). Twins is only person who hasn’t abandoned Jake’s room at the Naval Academy, because as long as Jake’s there, Twins isn’t the worst in the class. (Movie trailer here):

Jake Huard: Look, I don’t get it. Why are you still here?
Twins: You want to know why I stay in this room?
Jake Huard: Yeah.
Twins: Cause Jake, you’re my Mississippi.
Jake Huard: I’m your what?
Twins: People who live in Arkansas, you know what their favorite state is?
Jake Huard: No.
Twins: Mississippi. Cause Mississippi’s the only thing that keeps Arkansas from being the worst state in the whole country.
Jake Huard: I’m Mississippi.
Twins: Well you sure as hell ain’t California. Listen, Cole and Whitaker are so busy tryin’ to run you out they forgot about me. As a matter of fact, they’ve forgotten about every other pleb in this whole company. That’s why I stay in this room Jake. Cause if Mississippi quits, then all of a sudden Arkansas is the worst state in the whole country.

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