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'07 and the Tidy Bowl Man Part II

American Government Special Collections Reference Desk

Stock Car Racing Topics:  NASCAR

'07 and the Tidy Bowl Man Part II

Jeremy T. Sellers
October 22, 2007

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Remember the days when you liked a team because that's exactly what they were, and you couldn't phathom anything breaking that up? Hey, I grew up on the Big Red Machine craze here in Ohio with the likes of Rose, Griffey, Bench, Sever, Knight, Morgan, Concepcion, etc. Definitely not as illustrious nowadays, I'm still a Reds fan through and true! I also fell in to the Dallas Cowboys-mania that struck the nation in the 80's. Remember Dorsett, White, Jones? Professional sports was full of cohesiveness in those days, and it brought spirit and fanship to their respected sport. However, the early 90's brought on the de-evolution and degradation of the word "team" and destroyed all atmosphere associated with it. Players whining because "x" million dollars wasn't enough and "you aren't going to pay me what (in my mind) I'm worth, then I'll go play for another team who will". Taking on that mentality has murdered the tradation of professional sports. Yet, the one major league onclave that I have only been interested in since the mid 90's saw none of that. NASCAR was a breath of fresh air. Here, we had families, traditions, influences, and balls to the wall racing. It almost seemed that the money was a happy benefit to doing what we all dreamed of doing on the interstate.

Well I'll be damned if we haven't served up a huge shit sandwich on that one, eh? However the facets may differ than that say of the MLB, NBA, or NFL. Teresa Earnhardt flew in on her broom after Daddy Dale died and turned a family oriented, but a growing NASCAR empire into nothing more than a huge garage that makes cars and employs, at best now, mediocre drivers. Sure, Martin has two back-to-back Busch belts, but even with a victory in the Cup series, can't seem to stay out of trouble, cut the mustard, or cheese for that matter. Forgetting she MARRIED into the Earnhardt name, she disappreciates what it means to be family, and let's Jr. walk to become NASCAR's biggest free agent. As much as I hate to admit it, Jr. has made the right move. However, NOW you have Kyle "Keebler Elf number two" Busch who was shoved into the free agency meat market and landed safely on Joe Gibbs' lap. Though he will have to swallow some pride and drive a Toyota. The movie just keeps rolling as now J.J. Yeley, who was never given a fair shake, forces Tony Raines out of a ride next season and he too, will have to drive with rice. Scott Riggs is probably going to be sent packing...another free agent. I'm just making my fingers tired here.

Let's get to the chewy center, shall we? Anyone count how many licks it took? After all, the brown stuff is flying around everywhere in NASCAR. Between Brian France and Mike Helton, they have established their own form of Nazism even going as far as to command a version of the secreet police...enter Jim Hunter. Anyway, they have taken a great idea, built by a great man (Big Bill), and turned it into an enormous mound of seagull shit along the Daytona Beach shoreline this season. Rules not enforced equally across the board, the complaints now coming out about the car of tomorrow, pulling on driver's choker chains so tightly now that they can't give an honest post-race, or post-incident interview without having their nads clipped off. Ever watch these things now? It's not about what happened on the track, or what the driver's opinion is, it's nothing more than a commercial for all of their sponsors. Holy balls batman, we can't let drivers show any type of emotion or speak freely in a sport that was founded on raw emotion and illegalities. Road courses in Mexico and Canada with the hopes of opening up a European theater in the next five years. Could you ass bags POSSIBLY water this great sport down any further? Not only spreading it thin here folks, but eventually, denying fans here stateside the opprotunity to attend races they before, took for granted. Why? Hell, you start going across the pond, do you think they'll make the season 40 weeks long? Nope! They'll nix a couple more tracks just like they did to The Rock, North Wilksboro, and Riverside. You know, when I sleep at night, I dream of a red laser dot constantly marking its spot on Brian France's forehead, just waiting for someone "out there" to say, "Take the shot.".

How much more of a joke can The Chase become? Ah, without wasking good KB on that, what kind of ridiculous pole smoker thought of the "top 35 in points" rule? Is this REALLy racing as Big Bill intended? No, it's a continuation of the constant commercialization of NASCAR to ensure that certain sponsors are automatically in for the race, regardless of their qualifying speed. When you have drivers running their hot laps good enough to be on the provisional pole (Boris Said) but are told to get packing because 1. it's raining, and 2. you aren't in the top 35 grid, something is SERIOUSLY flawed here people. Boris is just one example. It's happened to Sterling Marlin, Joe Nemechek, and Michael Waltrip just to name a few. As soon as the Fourth Reich pulls the over-sized monkey peckers out of their ass and ears, someone tell me, okay?

Part 3...



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